Doing Things Afraid

What is fear? What purpose does it have in our life and development?

When you think of fear do you think of something like the image below? Someone who is shaking in their boots or curled up in a corner?

Depending on who you talk to, FEAR can have many meanings: ‘False Evidence Appearing Real”, “Forget Everything and Run”, or “Face Everything and Rise”. Our brains and bodies have a response to fear. We perceive danger (whether real or not) and start reacting biologically and mentally to that stimulus. Fear does have an important place to keep us from doing things that can hurt us such as children not touching a hot stove, children not running into a busy street, or taking caution in the midst of severe weather. However, due to life circumstances, we often can become fearful of things that cannot truly harm us. We allow fear to stop us from living a life full out.

Children start developing the capacity to feel fear between 8-12 months often through experiencing fear or uncertainty of new people and learning who is safe. Over time many of the fears children will grow to have are through what they are exposed to and how they are raised. As those close to us experience fear (whether they be children, friends, or significant others), it is important that we hear them, support them, and help them find ways to work through fears. Feel the fear and do things anyway. Children and even us as adults need to learn the it’s okay to feel fear and do things anyway. Fear should not hold us back from accomplishing things that are new to us. Often times fear and excitement can have similar responses in our bodies. The next time you “feel afraid” see if maybe you are just excited to try something new or ready to experience something different.

As a culture we often expect (whether intentionally or not) people to quickly get through things and minimizing emotions people are feeling. Those close to us need to know we acknowledge what they are feeling. We need to have a safe space to express what we are feeling too. As we help children develop the tools to work through their fears, it helps them develop self-regulation. Understand that these skills take time to develop, it is not an overnight development. Here is a link with some more information from Child Mind Institute and a video below. If fears become obsessive or is interfering with daily life, then it may be time to talk with a professional.

How can we better support those we care for in facing their fears this week? How can we better face our own fears and stop holding ourselves back?

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